I am having a moment

Workout, meetings, phone calls, lunch, busy, busy , busy.Today I haven't really even had time to breathe however my 13 year itch has had time to creep in. How do you stop the memories of someone that you have loved as long as you can remember?

Sometimes there's pain, sometimes there's laughter, but I truly miss him. I have so many wonderful things in my life,good family, good friends, I own a wonderful business but my love life is in the pitts..... Can we not be successful and have love? Do we compromise ourselves because we get so busy that we over compensate? What is it, where is the balance?

Why do I always seem to drift back to the memories of someone that I allowed to hurt me so badly? Because it's comfortable? I pray for guidance Lord.


Chow for now....

Happy Birthday( Not)

Today has been a truly different day, it is he birthday of David ( the names have been changed to protect the not s innocent). For the first time in 14 years at 12:01am I didn't call or text, it feels pretty good. But Robert was at my house today washing clothes and getting my trash together in an attempt to stay in my life. Now I have prayed for guidance about this because we share a child and it is hard for me to say stay away, he is truly not a bad guy, he is just one that can't seem to keep a job, drinks too much and has no since of real responsibility, although in the past 3 years I have seen a slight change. But how much is to much? Are you here for the child, me or yourself? Clearing out the clutter in your life is essential in opening the door for right relations. I know that God is Not going to send my perfect partner in the mess of the mess. I am still working to be free.